When making vacation plans, remember tender hearts. Don’t leave any child feeling left out.
Family camp on the beautiful Oregon coast is a favorite destination for our blended family. For more than a decade we’ve invited our adult children and their children to indulge in a week of uninterrupted fun—at our expense. Their only cost is the gas to get to the beach. Some years we’ve had twenty-one of us hanging out together and other years as few as twelve. There is never any pressure to show up, but those who come are happy they did and eager to return. It’s nice to see the effort put into creating harmony with vacation schedules.
Last August, while settling into our hotel-like accommodations, my eleven-year-old step granddaughter shared her heart with me.
“I’m super mad at my dad,” she blurted out.
“Why are you so mad at your dad?” I asked. “Did something happen?”
“Because he’s going on vacation next week and didn’t tell me. He did the same thing last year!”
“Is this vacation just for him and your stepmom?”
“No! They’re going to Six Flags in California,” she answered. “My half-sister and stepsister get to go but I wasn’t invited.”
“I’m sorry,” I said with arms open wide to give a hug. “I wouldn’t like being left out either. That hurts. Can you talk to him?”
“He’s picking me up on Saturday. I’m going to tell him I’m really mad at him.”
“Okay. Good. I’ll say a prayer. Just maybe things will turn out better than you think.”
Later I learned that the talk had gone well and she did go along. Life between two homes isn’t easy. Misunderstandings happen and feelings get hurt. But vacations can be done in ways that are sensitive to the “bigger” family.
Realize the importance of being inclusive. Children come wired with ability to keep score. To not be included is construed as you love me less than the others.
Make vacation plans well in advance. With multiple homes to consider, synchronizing calendars is really important. Talk with children and co-parenting adults to minimize disrupting important events like baseball playoffs or plans already made by the other family.
Create a realistic vacation budget. Research the cost of travel, hotels, campsites, eating out, and any extra activities (i.e. horseback riding, kayak or paddle board rentals, zoo admissions) the family wants to participate in.
Vacations and are an important part of blended family life. They intentionally take us far from our daily routines and stressors and give us permission to play. Don’t shortcut the planning stages. Prepare well enough to ensure every child and adult returns home with smiles, precious memories, and a sense of belonging to a really great family.
Maxine Marsolini is the founder of Rebuilding Families www.rebuildingfamilies.net and the author of Blended Families, Raising Children in Blended Families, and Rebuilding Families One Dollar at a Time.
