Regardless of the specifics of any individual story, there is one aspect they all have in common. The decision to change must be made by the person involved.[i]
Includes excerpts from Rebuilding Families One Dollar At A Time, by Maxine Marsolini with Charlie Marsolini, CPA
Two wage earners within the family is quite common today. And still money remains the number one target for family arguments. The right goal is to submit individual money attitudes to the Lord’s guidance and the financial good of the whole family.
Just how household expenses should be divided is often confusing. Who holds the checkbook? One answer doesn’t fit all. Each family develops a unique dance with their dollars. Some boogie. Others tango.
Fairness is important when figuring out who pays for what. All financial systems require honesty, cooperative communication, and consideration of the family’s lifestyle. Major adjustments to spending habits might have to be entertained.
First, write out all nonnegotiable expenses:
- Child support and spousal support
- Rent or mortgage
- Car payments
- Food
- Clothing
- Gas and car maintenance
- Medical needs
- Utilities
- Consumer debt
- Internet services
- After school activities for children
- Emergency fund
This sample list can be easily managed from one joint checking account or divided between two personal accounts. The goal is to make sure there’s money enough deposited to cover the bills and that both adults exercise the maturity to pay what is owed in a timely fashion. The partner with the more substantial income is able to contribute more to the family’s budget than a spouse who works for minimum wages. Both work just as hard but compensation differs. Teamwork is the picture we are painting.
Don’t undermine the family. Two become one in marriage in multiple ways. Marriage imposes our partner’s financial story upon us—good or bad. When remarrying, a prenuptial agreement can be used to set some boundaries in place. However, it’s a big plus to accept the financial obligations that are attached to a spouse’s children. Fussing over what can’t be changed is ridiculous. Work together. Show real concern. Placing blame, or creating a hardship, is as silly as holding selfishly to our money when it can meet family needs and contribute to a happily-ever-after family.
Fifty-fifty plans create tension and build resentment. To insist that expenses be split right down the middle is destined to fail particularly if one spouse earns more money than the other, has less debt, has more children, is a saver instead of a spender, or is a spender rather than a saver.
There is a right approach and a wrong approach when it comes to money management in a first time marriage or a blended family.
Wrong approach: I didn’t create that bill. Don’t expect me to pay it.
Right approach: It’s our problem. With my help we have enough resources to wipe out this debt in less than two years.
Wrong approach: He’s your child. It’s not my responsibility to pay for his college education.
Right approach: This is our family; I’ll help. Together we can find ways to fund his education, find scholarships, and give my stepson a shot at a college degree, too.
Adopt flexibility as a motto and unselfishness as the lingering melody at home. When we honor one another with word and deed and dollar, all families shape a resilient future.
The years go by. Children grow up and one day leave home. What will our marriage look like when we are empty-nesters? Will we still be lovers? Will our teamwork be evident? Our finances in order? The decisions we make today are guaranteed to shape tomorrow.
[i] Rick Kahler, CFP and Kathleen Fox, Conscious Finance, FoxCraft, Inc., Rapid City, SD, p. 61
