by Maxine Marsolini
“In all realms of life it takes courage to stretch your limits, express your power, and fulfill your potential; it’s no different in the financial realm.” —Suze Orman
Sadly, money is the number one reason couples argue and families break apart. Seldom do we figure out ahead of the honeymoon that our money habits might be the opposite of our partner’s. My husband and I were no exception to this rule.
In the North End of Boston, as the son of a Mafia man, Charlie learned power and money were synonymous with respect. Weakness was not tolerated and money that could not be paid back when it was due brought terrible consequences. He’ll never forget hearing grown men scream with pain or crumple to the ground from a punch that broke an arm or rib—or worse. Charlie swore this would never happen to him. His interrogative style to always know why the money was spent, and where it went, got our marriage off to a stressful start.
Growing up in the country my money upbringing was less complicated. Money meant a way to put food on the table, pay bills, give allowances, buy livestock, and tuck some into savings. My father could rightfully be called a tightwad. Having lived through The Great Depression he wrote down every dollar he spent. Apart from one unavoidable car loan nothing was bought on credit. We lived simple but our needs were met.
Charlie and I were both careful with money, but when it came time to pay the bills a knot would grow in my stomach because I dreaded the scrutiny that would come from my investigative husband. Our bill paying event could easily ruin attitudes for an entire week. It became obvious that there was too much stress over money. We desperately needed to figure out how to manage finances in a way that could build teamwork rather than resentments. One evening we sat down in a quiet place, got the feelings and problems out in the open, and agreed on a couple friendly plan that would work.
Don’t fight over money another day. Instead, discover how your past affects how you use money today. Find out why those money habits are causing stress at home. Admit any past mistakes and create a healthy check and balance system. Celebrate your teamwork.
