Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. 1]
Remarried couples, with children to raise, are more often than not blindsided by a swarm of unexpected problems that feel a whole lot like stepping into a hornets’ nest unaware. There is no other family dynamic where forgiveness given contributes such a big plus.
Absorbing the impact of two or three outside homes fated to affect life under our roof isn’t easy to put up with and it is a unique dynamic that no biological family ever experiences. With a great measure of tact, we are cornered into considering all the people involved—like it or not.
Disagreements seem to always center on either children or money. Schedule conflicts, court-ordered support, and shared expenses head up the drama list. Tempers lessen when what’s common for a blended family to encounter is seen through a crystal clear lens:
- Children belonging to two families are loved in both homes and need their parents to respectfully accommodate the back and forth schedules.
- Boys and girls didn’t create the problems; adults did by divorce, cohabitation, or death.
- It takes money to raise children. Child support is one way the courts attempt to provide for children’s needs.
- It’s likely other expenses will need to be shared as the children grow: medical, education, clothing, or social opportunities.
Blended families often attempt to balance three differing agendas. For instance, his son comes to our house; her children go to their dad’s house. And we have plans to take the family to the water slide park for the weekend. At eight o’clock Friday night the phone rings. The boy’s mom sent him to his friend’s paintball birthday party instead. The balance is immediately challenged.
The first reaction from most parents and stepparents is to get out of sorts when things don’t go as expected, or an added expense comes along. A good day can be ruined in less than a minute’s time unless absorbing moments of disappointment and budget shifts are anticipated. Remember, the rest of the family is ready to go. Swimsuits are packed.
Two things can help a stepfamily stay in the happy zone. First, in your minds and in your budgets, strategize how the uninvited interruptions to plans or finances will be absorbed. Have a backup plan ready to go. Remember, children are balancing more than one family’s expectations. They should not be made to feel guilty for such things. Second, put into use the best secret weapon ever given mankind by God—forgiveness! Every time a wrong is given a measure of forgiveness calm is re-established and life works better. Choose to be a man, a woman, a family, who is quick to forgive—who harbors no grievance, rather than allow your family’s joy to be stolen for even a single day.
[1] Colossians 3:13 1984 The Holy Bible New International Version
