Stop anger’s downward spiral in twelve simple steps.
So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? but if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Genesis 4:5b-7
From the time of the first family, unresolved anger and unnecessary conflict have existed. Here we are now, thousands of years later, displaying the very same behaviors, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Satan’s influence continues in our modern day. His desire is still to destroy relationships, just like he did between Cain and his brother.
Anger was not Cain’s real issue. He was jealous. He felt humiliated. . . . Unhealthy anger was merely Cain’s tool of choice to gain the upper hand. It did not prove to be an effective one. Cain had greater consequences to live with as a result of his anger than if he’d done the right thing. Even burying his brother in the dirt did not hide his sin from God.
It is helpful to view anger as an addictive agent, like alcohol or drugs. If you contend with anger often, you have become a “rageaholic”.
Why not try these twelve steps?
- Memorize James 4:7; it will prove invaluable. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
- Believe God has a workable solution.
- Come apart for a designated cooling-off time (one to six hours)
- Use the time apart wisely; begin by seeking the Lord in prayer.
- Write down what you understand the issue to be, not your mate’s, child’s, boss’s, … etc view.
- Come back together with an attitude of reconciliation.
- Determine to be a good listener. Respect and affirm what you hear.
- Offer forgiveness, remembering that the Lord has forgiven you.
- Put pride aside; being right is not the loving answer to any argument.
- Be willing to agree to disagree if necessary; it’s OK to think differently.
- Once compromise is accomplished, follow through willingly.
- End with a meaningful form of touch with one another. [hug, handshake, …]
With these twelve steps we see a progression into proper problem resolution and reconciliation. Anger does not have to be unhealthy. In its proper context anger alerts us to issues needing to be dealt with. Conflicts will arise. Behaviors may need to change for the family to move forward. Important decisions will have to be made. Anger is the emotion lifting us to a passion for change.
Educator and minister Tim LaHaye has said, “You need to realize also that you are responsible to choose how you will respond in anger-producing situations. No one ‘makes you angry.’ Anger is your response to others’ actions. You make you angry.”
This material was taken from the book, Blended Families, by Maxine Marsolini. Anger can mess up family life if we do not understand its nature.
