The real thieves among us might surprise you. The majority aren’t the muggers or faces-covered, stocking hat bad guys. The real thief’s presence is far more subtle.

Gary Weiss wrote a compelliing article titled, “Fraud In the Family” printed in the February/March 2018 issue of AARP The Magazine. This article caught my attention because it reveals some very disturbing answers. He said, The real scoundrels might be sitting at your next family gathering, looking as innocent as folks in a Norman Rockwell painting. Even scarier: The closer the tie between perpetrator and victim, the greater the damage.

The greatest portion of fraud being carried out today is labeled elder abuse. Sadly, those committing the crimes aren’t strangers. They are people the victim trusts to care for his or her needs. Some are family members, others are individuals who are hired as housekeepers or personal caretakers. They are given access to the residence and believed to be “safe” to visit with and share life stories.

What are the real thieves after?

Money is the obvious answer. Because trust is easy to build, awareness of available assets isn’t hard to establish. Trust between the victim and the thief allows the unscrupulous to assume his/her plan to rip-off money will go unnoticed.

A few years back, my mother was the victim of financial elder abuse. She lived in a nursing home facility at the time. A nurse’s aide who did tasks in the resident’s rooms befriended her. She seemed to be a pleasant lady; and friendly. Since she was part of the staff, no red flags went up. But she’d open the drawer in the table beside my mother’s bed. In that drawer was Mother’s checkbook.

Mind you my mother was never a wealthy woman and didn’t have more than a small Social Security pension coming in. There wasn’t a lot of cash, but there was the opportunity to steal what little she had. On two different occasions, the aide, aka perpetrator-thief, wrote checks to herself in amounts she could cash without causing the checks to bounce. She may have gotten my mother to sign these by saying it’s for medicine, face cream; whatever. Fortunately, the bank saw those checks as suspicious and my sister-in-law caught on to what was happening. It came to an end, the incident was reported to the authorities and the aide was fired.

After discovering the wrongs being easily carried out, my sister-in-law decided Mother would not have a checkbook in the drawer ever again; it was too risky.

Understand the victim’s mental state

Memory issues can be a factor with the elderly person. The older some people get, the more vulnerable they become if memory loss and dementia begin to be factors. Many like the social aspects where life is “friendly” and communication easy. And, if taken advantage of, most don’t like to report it and feel the shame associated with their lack of attention to detail. After all, they used to be on top of their game and mentally sharp.

All family ties can’t be trusted

Family thieves perpetrate the worst kind of betrayal; creating 58% of these crimes. Love between relatives is the familial root of trust without a whole lot of effort beyond birthright. But families can have the bad apples in their family tree. Some relatives lack empathy and are purposefully selfish individuals. They see an opportunity to fix their own problems and begin to scheme. They watch the parent or grandparent age.

The younger person might even reason it out as no big deal since one day the inheritance will come to them anyway. Still, why would a family member treat their loved one so disrespectfully? There could be many underlying reasons. There are many people who fall on hard times, or worse. Those relatives with gambling problem or addiction problems might owe lots of money to people who are growing impatient. Their goal is to get that bear off their back. Some will need a place to live and might talk their way into the elder’s home. Be cautious.

What can be done to protect ourselves and those we love?

Be on guard. Be watchful for small signs of misplaced trust. Know who’s who in your own family and the close acquaintances of the aging parent/grandparent. Research workers brought into the home. Ask for reputable references and verify those given.

Lock important papers and documents up; checking account information and house deeds beyond the eyes of the real thieves. Don’t tell all to everyone. Trust in a very cautious way who you confide in.

Find an advocate who really is trustworthy. There might be a family member who will be looking after the best interests of the individual. But if not, the trust department of your bank or an attorney could make financial decisions for you or your aging parent.

Whatever the plan is moving forward, please protect those who can easily fall victim. Remember to be aware of the real thieves; those you would least suspect to harm a family member.