“Nostalgia seems to stabilize people, to be a source of comfort and reassurance,” says North Dakota State university psychologist Clay Routledge.[1]
From the moment we are born life comes at us in varying waves of happy and sad; and from a myriad of directions. There are wonderful moments to celebrate like a baby’s first steps, graduation day, milestone birthdays and lots more. And then there are the more trying days. Some things are easy to resolve in a few hours; like hiring a plumber to fix a broken pipe. Other trials, like a house fire, broken marriage, raising a handicapped child, or cancer diagnosis, (the list goes on) are not as easy to overcome either emotionally or with immediate solutions.
When I was a young bride of seven months, one February night the unexpected happened. Long after we’d gone to bed, a sound like breaking glass awakened us from a deep sleep. My husband walked into the adjacent room and immediately saw the upstairs window had broken and, in fact, the entire back side of the house was engulfed in flames! We had to get out fast!
Thankfully we’d had the foresight the night before to close the downstairs door that led to the staircase. The smoke had not reached that area yet. We made our escape through a window; but with only the clothes on our backs—nothing else. That ranked as an unforgettable, scary crisis.
We lost everything—everything except our lives. All the wedding gifts, the television, furniture, coats, drivers licenses, and so much more. In the weeks and months that followed, we had to figure out how to rebuild our lives and were so thankful for the many people who offered to help. We discovered not all problems are meant to be solved in our own strength. Some require community.
Today I can reminisce on my yesterdays and see myself as both a survivor and one who can set goals and accomplish them. Looking back pulls things into perspective. Even the worst problems don’t last forever. I wouldn’t wish to go through the flames again, but that experience taught me:
- I do have strength to overcome what comes at me.
- It is possible to start over.
- Teamwork lightens the load.
- Good can be found in the worst of circumstances.
If you feel stuck in a discouraging place, and struggling to know whether you can move past those anxious thoughts, perhaps now is a good time to step back and be purposely reflective. Let memory be your close friend. It’s the one gift that allows you to take stock of where you’ve already been. In that mind’s view, see yourself as a survivor, an overcomer, and a person with great resilience.
To begin, identify and write down character qualities demonstrated and choices made during a time of great difficulty. For sure, there was something you did that allowed you to survive. Maybe you walked away. Maybe you sacrificed time and money. Maybe you prayed or accepted help from a friend.
Now look back on a time of celebration. Why were you happy? What feelings are surfacing now? What made the celebration worth doing?
Nostalgia lives on in hearts and minds. Don’t fear yesterday’s journey. It’s all part of who we are today and can help us come to grips with current issues and unmet expectations. Yesterday is important to today. Choose to look back; to gain fresh perspective and gather a familiar measure of strength for today. An “I can” confidence will likely rise up.
[1] Believe in Yesterday, Matt Huston, May/June 2016 Psychology Today, p.9
